We’ve all heard the old saying: The grass is greener on the other side. You ask yourself, at this moment, what in your life symbolizes the “grass” that’s supposed to be important to you. Then you find things that are supposed to be “greener” than your grass. Voila! To your surprise, the list can be astoundingly long. Then, “dog gone it, why don’t I have all these stuff in the first place?” You ask. The answer is simple: Because you just don’t have them.
We are prone to see past things that we already have and ironically focus on the things that we don’t possess. Canadian social specialist Marcy stated that this idea is imbedded in our psychology where people “think that what they want is better than what they have.” This idea runs especially true when applied to our romantic relationships.
You’ve seen it. I saw it. We’ve all been there. How many times have we heard our friends console each other about being dumped by their boyfriends, cheated on, or simply wondered about the existence and meaning of love altogether. The grass in this instance indeed means the “men” who are always better looking, smarter, and do better than what you can ever do for your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is the type that has “mastered the techniques and absorbed the subtleties,” as Blanche put it to Rose, of the old saying in discussion because he wants what he does not have. So he runs off and fetches his greedy sexually excesses. But the reality of the situation is that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and often times than not, the result usually ends in tremendous romantic devastation. Feelings hurt, friends lost, relationships broken are usually the aftermaths of stepping over to the dark side (well, green side in this case). But as intelligent human beings, we come up with ways to make circumstances work. Although not entirely far off the ethical way of things, we make our relationships work through compromising.
Enter open relationships. An idea of such an alien concept dating back to the early 1980’s is now a rampant, normal, sort of the cool thing to do in our gay society. The thought process is broken down as such, using the grass is greener rule: Why can’t I have both the grass I have and the greener grass on the other side? Only in this case the grass is infinite, allowing the pursuer to feed his hunger of lust, and there is one gay commandment that everyone must abide to: NSA, or DL depending on your upbringing. This arrangement has worked out extremely well for many relationships and in some cases, built a stronger bond between two lovers. So at the end of the day, what gives with all the negativities and controversies that this concept has generated?
First, our happiness factor is greatly reduced. This stems from the fact that in a couple, one out of the two is unhappy because the open relationship is generally compromised. Research scientist Patil concluded that being in an open relationship is “uniformly bad, decreasing positive feeling by 15 percent compared with single people.” Second, the “fear response,” as columnist Kathleen Doheny found out, can destroy a relationship. The fear is when your lover is focusing more energy and spending more time with the “second” lover. Jealous broods and envy arises, stuff that can cripple any relationship. And third, the most obvious concern, looks at the health aspect of the relationship. It might be too late to treat that sore after finding out your boyfriend transmitted a certain disease from his other lovers. But don’t you worry. It could get worse.
While there are preventive measures to combat the shortcomings that an open relationship creates, such as practicing safe sex, have a bigger net of open communication, or simply undo the relationship, the inevitable emotional scar carved on one’s heart can take some time to heal and recuperate. As homosexuals, we are hardwired to think and react in a certain way after all, even though not everything we do is generally accepted. We learn and conquer our obstacles, which the generation before us has done to make way for our modern lifestyles. With the concept of open relationship, it will obviously fail for some but work for others. And when it works, it works splendidly.
At the end of the day, it is the bed you choose and pick to sleep on that matters the most. The person that lies next to you is the one who you will openly call your true one and only love. Nothing NSA or DL about that.
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